take 2: january 9th – inside/out

It’s just before dinner on Sunday evening.  Today was a roller coaster of a day.  Church service today was on the TV in our tank.  I would up not being let out of my cell and just tried to watch it from my door.  After about 15 minutes of not being able to follow the sermon, the volume was low, I decided to continue my reading in Hebrews.  I covered chapters 11-13 which finished up the book.  The key verses from reading were 12:11 and 13:5-6.  These verses are the ones that sort of “popped” out at me.

No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening–it is painful!  But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

I will never leave you.  I will never forsake you.  That is why we can say with confidence, the Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?”

I am working on memorizing these right now.  There were so many others that I underlined, but I can’t write them all.  But just in case you find yourself in the 13th chapter of Hebrews, also check out 13:3 and 13:14.

Then after church was over they opened the cells for the day room.  As I was coming down the stairs, I noticed Andre at the bottom.  He is the gentleman that has been very disruptive to our Bible Study with false teachings and questions that lead off into no real direction.  His purpose is to divide, definitely not to gain enlightenment.  Oh, and he is a self-described pimp.  That is his way of life, his livelihood if you will.  Up until now I have chosen not to engage with him in his little game.  He loves to espouse his vast knowledge of the Scriptures, but does not accept the New Testament and certainly does not believe Jesus to be the Messiah.  This is yet another reason why I have steered clear of him–we have no foundation, or common ground upon which to have a real discussion.  If you try to direct a question his way, he immediately ducks and dodges and spins the conversation into something about our current government or racism.  Maybe you get a picture of what I am dealing with.

Anyway, as I was coming down the stairs, He was busy yelling obsenities at one of the other blacks.  All the while he has a Bible under his arm.  I was shaking my head, more in disbelief than disapproval, and I caught his eye.  He then very loudly, which is how he does everything, stated that he was going now to study the Bible.  Now, if he was truly going to study it, actually open it up and ponder the truths inside, that would be great.  But in the two months he has been here I have seen zero evidence of that.  I have been praying about it and diligently.  So today I guess I had just seen and heard enough of his form of religion.  I don’t like anyone making a mockery of out of a sincere search for the truth.  So my comment to his was not generated out of love, I realize that now.  I told him that for once it would be refreshing if something of value actually came out of his mouth.  He didn’t receive that criticism very well.

He immediately launched into a tirade about politics, hypocrisy, and the plight of the black man.  To which I again stated my disappointment that nothing of value was coming out of his mouth.  It was at that point that I realized I was not operating out of a position of love.  So I quickly moved toward reconciliation.  He was seated at the table so I crossed the room to join him.  Now, while he had lost his composure, thankfully I had never lost mine.  I know that by talking to him we weren’t going to resolve our theological differences, but I wanted to at least keep the lines of communication open.  I also wanted to maintain my witness, and not have it sullied by a verbal altercation.  I’ve done a lot of praying since this morning and through reflection feel like I have learned something from the situation.  I’m wiser having come through it.

Thank you for packing the kids up and making the trek all the way up here to visit me.  I acknowledge the fact that this is no easy task, so I want you to know I appreciate the effort.  What a treat it was!  You guys all looked well, which puts my mind at ease.  I’m truly thankful that Shirley pushed for you to take the day off.  I pray the decision doesn’t cause you any additional stress for not being there to take care of things.  I know that Gretchen is capable of holding down the fort, but I also know how you are.  You have certain gifts that God has given you that others just don’t have.  Mix in your experience and that is a combo that is hard to replace or do without.  Anyway, I pray that you have peace about it.

Being that close to you guys is hard sometimes.  I just want to hold all of you.  Our family touches a lot, and I miss that.  Buddy was right up against the glass, so close but yet so far.  I liked his idea of wanting to remove the glass by the use of a sword.  How funny, how cute.  I pray that we are fast approaching the end of this ordeal and that we will be reunited very soon.  I’m tired of being separated from my family and just want to go home.  I know that you are ready to receive me.  Hopefully soon my love.  By the way, did I tell you that you looked beautiful…because you did!  Holy cow…I’ve got a good looking wife.

Thanks again for coming.  It really did bolster my spirit.  You are truly doing an amazing job with the kids.  I pray daily that God will continue to bless your efforts as you are enduring.  And that He will often remind you of His love and confirm that your steps are within his will.

I’ll write more later.  You are truly an exceptional woman (I definitely married up!)  Please kiss our babies for me.

I love you, Scott

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